June 22, 2009

• Father's Day!

  I spent my Father's Day spending the day with the family. Being around the family is fun and relaxing and having all the kids together happens very rarely. I am super close to my Dad. He's a stepfather to my two older siblings, and had me and my brother with my Mom. He's really just a wonderful father to us all. I DON'T like the labels of stepfather and half sibling, etc. We're a family, that's it. Father's Day brings up a lot of memories for Dad. He's a Cambodian refugee and lost his entire family during the Khmer Rouge. He told me a story that aptly describes the hard choices of his life and that of being a father.

  
  

  *I wish I had the ability to eloquetly translate the feelings, beauty, and  rhythym my father used when he told me his story. I am truely blessed to be his daughter.
  

  
  

  He was born in a poor fishing village with 2 sisters and wonderful parents. They lived a simple life making a living by fishing and raising simple farm animals. My Dad joined the marines so he could support his poor family.After he joined the marines he got married and had two children. He never believed that "Cambodians would kill Cambodians." He ended up fighting in a civil war fighting communism for 5 years. He found himself seperated from him family, from his wife and 2 small boys and in a communist camp. He knew that he, "would die" if he stayed. People were dying all around him and he had to get out. He had a choice to escape the communist camp by getting on a fishing boat headed to Vietnam. He didn't know what to do. If he stayed he would die. But what about his wife and children? Could he really leave his country and his fmaily behind to save his own life? Is it worth it to save yourself and leave your loved ones behind to their own fate? 

  
  

  My dad said that he went crazy. He was always thinking and thinking about what he should do and all possible scenerios and reprecussions of his choices. He made his choice, he got on the boat and left his family and country behind. He lived in Vietnam for 4 years and found out that everyone was dead from his father. My father pauses at this point, with tears in his eyes and he looks at me. "I don't know if I made the right choice. If I stayed maybe I could have saved them, done something." His voice is heavy with regret and the past and his eyes are shiny with tears for those he lost.

  
  

  "I took a boat to Thailand and met your Mom there in a refugee camp. Your brother looked so much like my sons. I fell in love with your Mom and M and M (my older brother and sister).  I believe that Buddha helped me make my decisions and helped me survive. He guided my life and gave me a wonderful family. I am blessed to have such wonderful children."

  
  

  He pauses to give me a painful smile and he cups the side of my face, "I am proud to have such a wonderful daughter. I don't have to worry that you'll be ok. I love you. " I am near tears but refuse to cry. If he didn't cry, I won't.  He really is the best Dad in the whole world. 

  • 6:29 pm
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