March 11, 2010
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So the economy caught up with me...
I know the economy is bad and has been for the last 2-3 years. I've been a good planner. I've always saved half my paycheck for the past 6 years, I've always been on a budget and in 2009 with were able to buy a house and plan to get married. However, this week, I've gotten my pinkslip. I'm a teacher and well, if you've the seen the news about layoffs in the school systems, I'm only one of thousands of teachers that are being laid off. LAUSD had to cut 165 million alone. I'm joining the ranks of the unemployed and it's hard. Being a teacher is not just a job it's my identity and I feel like that's being ripped from me too and being replaced by LOSER. Who doesn't feel like a loser when they get let go from their job? I know that it's not personal and to be honest, I know that I kick ass at my job. That I was meant to be a teacher and it's what I am supposed to do with my life. Which makes it even harder to be leaving it.
It's frustrating because I don't know when I'll be able to be a teacher again. Remember those really really old blog entries 4+ years ago? Where I was in the worst job with the worst boss with the worst co-workers ever? Well, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to go back into that field. I don't want to become that person again. I was 24 when I left and I'm 28 now, but I felt so worn out and old then. I feel like I'm being punished when I did everything right.
I studied hard and worked throughout high school and college. I got my first professional job and worked hard at that too. When I realized it wasn't what I wanted, I went back to school (and massive amounts of debt) to study education and worked even harder finding a job as a teacher. The last 3 years, I've honestly been the happiest in my life and now, it's back to uncertainty and even more frustration.
There wasn't any crying when I wrote this blog because I spent most of Tuesday curled up in a ball crying for my Mommy. How are we going to afford this mortgage? What about the wedding? How long can we go without me having a job? When can I apply for unemployment? When will I get a new job? Will it be in education or back to biotech? A million questions are running through my mind and it's all scary. This is where being with a SUPER PLANNER comes in handy. The future hubby has all financials covered and we're good for at least the 8 months without my unemployment or dipping into our 401K. We are still getting married and we're ok for now.
But, it's scary and the future is really uncertain. When I was growing up, my parents had and still do, run their own business. My parents worried about money almost every day and I grew up with one of my greatest goals of achieving financial security. That's prob the main reason I wanted to enter the medical field. Losing this job, potentially my first home, and maybe my wedding, is my worst fear come true.
Then there's the shame of failing. I don't even know how I'm going to tell my parents. My dad is going to be crushed...
