I dimly recall a blog entry detailing my delight that after February that it would be smooth sailing. No more classes and it was relaxation city. What I didn't realize that my student teaching, work, and social obligations would be upped in March. So far, almost EVERY weekend is spoken for and even some in April. That doesn't include the extra and early shifts that I've picked up at work and student teaching.

Student teaching works like this, you watch, observe, and sometimes teacher with your master teacher managing you. Since my master teacher was going to be out of the state I was going to spend this week teaching the class with a sub in the back testing my kids. LEGALLY I am not allowed to teach without someone licensed in the classroom. The sub, though they basically do nothing get paid just for being licensed to substitute. Though it burns my buns that someone else gets paid for the work I do, I am the littlest PEON in the school and therefore am just happy to teach. Plus the kids are used to me teaching 75% of the time and I am very comfortable with them. After spending hours with my master teacher planning and reviewing this weeks lessons the unexpected happens.

Another teacher is absent and they are unable to get a substitute. Therefore, I am pulled from my nice sweet students, routine, and planned day to be dropped into another classroom to teach the students by myself, ILLEGALLY!

The lesson plan is poorly organized AKA I have no idea what to do, there isn't enough work given AKA kids start misbehaving and then the work to keep them busy is TOO HARD for them AKA they start misbehaving.  It was a LONG DAY. On top of that I have to go to work early and after a late night yesterday, my eyes are so tired that they're burning. My stomach hurts because I skipped dinner last night and was too busy to eat breakfast and grabbed an apple for lunch. BOO! Someone said that I was losing weight, it's from stress I tell you!

Let's hope that April will be better and March ZOOMS by. 

Something happened to me that I never thought would happen at the school I'm student teaching at. Last week I was eating lunch with this girl named *C that I don't particularly like but she's new and only knows me so I eat with her. Well, a teacher asked us what our nationality was and we both replied Cambodian. She responded that it's hard for her to tell since we all look so different.

C's responds that she's Cambodian Chinese and that's why she's light. And that those that were darker (i.e. ME) was therefore more Cambodian. To those that aren't Asian that means that because she's lighter she's therefore MORE Chinese and therefore BETTER then me. Trust me, the lunch deterioted from there and I had to hold my tongue.

I so wanted to hit her and defend myself. My last name is a CHINESE last name and both my parents are half Chinese and half Cambodian. I know that some people who don't have an Asian background may need an explanation. Just about all mainland Asians believe that lighter skin is better. Especially Vietnamese and Cambodians believe that light skin also means you have more Chinese in you and therefore you're better.

When I was younger I liked lighter skin because my Mom has very light skin and I wanted to be like her. When I got older liked how I looked because I tanned easily and never looked pale.

I could not believe she made a stupid comment like that. Is it just me that's just encountered this I'm better then you because I'm lighter attitude? My Mom was pissed when I told what C said. In her words, "This is America and everyone wants to be tan like you Sekura. She's stupid and if she says anything else like that I WANT to talk to her. I'll take care of it."

That's my Mom, willing to go and give a verba beat down to anyone trying to imply that they're better then me. Oh well, I love me the way I am, even when I get darker during the summer and lighter in the winter. Colors look more flattering on tan skin anyway!

Someone mentioned that my profile photo is a little dated. Here's the updated one.

Since Reyrey tagged me I now have to make a list of my favorite things...so here goes...

1. This may sound corney, but my boyfriend is my favorite thing. He's there to give me support, especially with school stuff. He ends up potting plants and cutting out letters and a million other things at random hours of the night. He gives me everything I need and some of the things I want. Which is exactly the right balance for me though I would like to make it everything I need and everything I want.

2. A good book. I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading and I realized that I spend at least 10-20 minutes reading everyday. I always read the news at least and then a fun book (usually a romance which I defend by stating that I do learn historical facts and random new vocabulary words) before bedtime. I track book releases (hangs head in shame)

3. A GOOD cup of coffee be it cold, hot, with milk tea and boba...coffee is the dessert for me. I can drink it anytime and my favorite is with a sweet pastry. This dunking of sweets into coffee must come from my donut shop background.

4. Spending time with people I care about. This is increasingly becomes a rarity in my life since I spend most of my time surrounded by people but at the same time alone. It's by myself that I drive to school and begin my day teaching. I'm surrounded by people but they're 6 years old so I don't know if it counts. I go home to an empty house to recoup and then head off to the library to work. It's very lonely sometimes since it's just me in my head. I just miss spedning quality time with the people I care about in my life.

5. Exploring new things and revisitng some of the old ones too...I love trying new things be it a new restaurant, city, store, bungee jumping and a million other things. It's been a long time since I went snowboarding and I get to revisit this winter love this Sunday! Then there's the clubbing, I can't believe how long it's been since I've had a girls night out that I need to revisit this fun activity soon.

There you have it, Sekura81's favorite five things.

The last year has been a predictable string of school and work days. I usually know what I'm doing from the minute I get up to the second I close my eyes. I know that I have to get ready for school, come back and make some sort of dinner and then leave for work OR stay home and do homework. The monotomy of my day only changes if it's a weekend and even then it's countless errands that always always ends with grocery shopping for the week.

There are some cons and pros about the rountine my life has become.There has to be some rountine to what I do because my free time is sooooooooo limited and usually I want to just rest my brain. If only I could work my body out half as much as I did my brain I would be toned and fit in 2 seconds. Alas, it is only me brain that is getting the workout and right now I think I strained something.

I do miss the spontaneous trips out with girlfriends to get boba and random food and shopping. My schedule is so limited that I plan out everything in advance. Want to spend time with me? Let me check my calender and I can tell you straight that I'm booked until the end of February. February 17 is the last real day of class and then I just have student teaching. That means I get to have my Friday nights and Saturdays back!!!! I can't tell you what a relief it will be. I think I'm gonna drink to celebrate, hmmmmmmmmm, maybe I'll plan something...something that includes lots of alcohol and dancing..........

Teachers don't have the best fashion sense. At least my teachers didn't. They wore weird funky dresses, sweaters with LOTS of decorations depending on the season, Christmas tree, Jacklanter, etc. and those MOM pants that started right underneath the boobs. I thought as a young teacher I would never dress like my old teachers, I kept my word but started dressing like a SUPER preppy uber nerd. Today I wore a yellow collered shirt with khakis and flats, with matching brown purse. I came home and realized that I had turned into the Preppy Teacher. I should just change my screen name now.

Onions that don't go away...

Tacos for dinner...mmmmm, lots of cheese, sour cream, onions, green onions, beans, meat, MORE cheese.. = YUMMY DINNER and Onions that I can't stop tasting. This is even after I brushed my teeth!  I tried eating an apple and all I could taste was ONION. Nasty. I couldn't find any gum so I got so coffee, that took care of the onion problem. However onion + coffee = NASTY breath!  I pity those I talk to tonight.

Student teaching and the classes I'm taking = no free weekends until the end of February. Since the beginning of January I have had only 1 day weekends. This has got to STOP!!! My inner Snowbunny is dying to get to the slopes and my board is gathering LOTS of dust. Boo!!  Let's hope that the snow will last til way into March.On top of that I have two important birthdays and Valentine's Day comming. What am going to do?  I just need to hang in there until the end of February....

Thoughts on teaching...

I teach 1st grade with about 20 little ones. At least one student cries everyday, and it's not always the same student. It's like having 20 little kids all day and you are their Mom. They come to you because you have all the answers but sometimes it's very overwhelming. This is seriously making me rethink having kids for a very very very LONG time. I love the kiddos and teaching them is fun but lots of hard work. Kuddos to all the 1st grade teachers out there!

Bang Envy ~!

My bangs are just BARELY getting long enough to touch my eyebrows. They are freed from the bobby pins I confine them in about once a week. I envy those with long bangs! Let's hope that my bangs grow faster. Please grow faster bangs!

This week has been super busy with the return to school and added shifts at work. Not to mention the weekend courses that suck up almost all my fun time. So far my only day off was last Sunday, everyday past January 2 has been work school school work and more of the same.

For my teaching assignment I got placed in a new grade, school, and district.  This is my third day of student teaching and I don't know how I'll continue for the next 6 months when I'm hanging in there just for the week to end!

I now teach 1st grade in a low income school, Title I for all those teachers familiar with the lingo. It's a HUGE school, about 1500-1600 students, K-8 grade so there are kids everywhere.

I thought I was prepared for anything. I know that students can have learning disabilities, behavior problems, speak little to no English, and even have mental and physical problems. I was even prepared for the students being poor. Hey, nothing prepares you for being poor when you used to be one of those kids! What I wasn't prepared for was the DISFUNCTIONAL backgrounds these poor kids have. I have about 19 students, 1 student I never met because she used to live in a car and her mom moved them into a shelter. Almost half my students have one or both parents in jail, in the foster system, or are simply neglected. There's one boy I'll call David that has a parent in jail (because he hit him too hard) and a mother that we believe is on drugs. He's always late, packs his own lunch (full of sweets) and talks about some very disturbing things. I heard the CPS (Child Protective Services) was out there investigating the mother because David told another student how to give a women oral sex. Yup, that's right, my 1st grader who is all of six years old knows how to give a women oral sex. This was really disturbing to me. No wonder David has horrible behavior problems. I have NEVER had a student simply ignore me, even when I'm sitting right next to them. I know that me and my master teacher are the only ones that give him structure but this kid is a terror at age six. If he continues on this path I can't imagine how he'll be when he grows up.

I just wasn't prepared for the heartbreaking stories of my little kids. You should see them, they are soooooooooooooooooooo small, cute, and sweet. One little girl told me that I was pretty which immediately made her my favorite. They shouldn't have to deal with the crappy decisions of their parents.  I was really upset when I left school yesterday. Being a 1st grade teacher is like being a mini mommy. You have to deal with tattle tales, tying shoes, wiping tears, and giving lots of hugs and encouragement. It just natural that you just want to take care of the kids, especially when they're so small.

My inability to deal with my kids' home life made me rethink my teaching situation. I had always planned to go into any school that would take me. Be it a high funded school or a low funded school, it didn't matter as long as the fit was right. However, this experience has made me rethink where I would go or apply to. I KNOW I'll be burnt out if I stayed at the school I am currently in. It's bad enough that you work 10-12 hours a day doing things because you have no support and paying out of pocket for supplies but the stories that these kids have makes me doubt I could be a teacher for very long.

Does this make me weak?

I hope not, I came from a poor minority background and worked hard but these kids are soooooo short changed so early in life. I try to think of the positives but it's hard when you know that you have them for barely 8 hours a day and the rest of the time they are in situations that can potentially be harmful to them mentally and physically.  I know it takes a special teacher to do it but I don't think I'm cut out for it.

So where does this leave me?

Lots of future entries on this subject because I have to purge these negative feelings. I have 6 months to go and it's only the first week! Let's hope that I will be able to cope better as time goes on. However, my future choices are changing as we speak. I'm looking for a job in 6 months and definitely rethinking of districts to apply to...

Wish me luck!

Today was the first day back to school for yours truely.  It's the last semester and I am so ready to be done. I got my new teaching assignment.  I am now teaching 1st grade in a low income school. It's definitely challenging then my last teaching assignment that was ubber rich. Some of these kids have really sad stories of parents that are in jail (one or both), some who just moved to a homeless shelter, etc. But they are super sweet and CUTE! Oh my God are they cute and affectionate. It's weird because it's THIS close to being a mom. Besides teaching them the ABCs, reading and writing, I also have to tie shoes, wipe away tears, give hugs, and listen to them tattle tell. It's defnitnely a different experience then with my 3rd graders that were much more independent.

I am ready to go home and close but thanks to a student that walked in at 10:17pm (we close at 10:30) I can't even do the closing up stuff until she leaves.  She wants to read one of the Pysch books for her class. Ummm, I don't think you're going to finish grad level reading assigned by your prof in 13 minutes.  Please leave, you are wasting my time, I want to go home. I have been up since 6am and I want to go to sleep. Sheesh!

Onto better news........

By our Prof's command we are supposed to be at the school aite 30 minute prior to when school starts. My last site I left the house at 7:15am, awake by 6:15. This one, I get to be there at 8:00am AND it's 5 minutes from my house! That means I get to sleep an extra 30 minutes! That's 2.5 extra hours of sleep a week, 10 hours a month, 60 hours overall. That is the best news, it's even better then a raise.

There are many relationships in a girl's life that are unchangable. Her love for her parents, her doctors, and the relationship with her hair dresser. When one of these relationships change, chas can insue. For me, the relationship out of whack is with my hairdresser. It's taken me a long time to find her.  She's pretty cheap, does a very good job on the hair massage you get when washing your hair, very meticulous and anal retentive with my hair.

However, last Saturday I cheated on her with another hairdresser. 

My hair has been dying with the curling and the blow drying and I have not had a chance to get it cut. It's really long and the bangs hit below the chin. Last Saturday I finally had some time and went in at my usual time. But she wasn't there~! So another hairdresser stepped up. What was my karma for cheating on my hair dresser? BANGS~ bangs that barely hit my eyebrows. Argh!!! I haven't had bangs since jr. high people~!  So now I have the next two months to grow them out. Hats are my new best friend.

Moral of the Story: NEVER cheat on your hair dresser.

Onto less distressing news......

New Year's Celebration

It was a blast! The BF and I went to see Lion King at the Pantages and I felt like a kid in the candy store. I LOVE the musical and being the best BF he can be, he already had a handful of tissues for me to use when Mufasa gets killed. We are definitely going to go to more musicals and shows.

After shopping (there was an incident of spilled food on my shirt and I refused to wear stained clothing to dinner so I had to buy a new shirt) we went to TASTE. A lovely restaurant that was sooooooooooooooooooooo good.    We then ended the night meeting up with my close friends and signigficant others to enjoy a night filled with more food. Chocolate Fondu, spinach dip, fruit, cookies, and LOTS of alcohol. We even got to play Cranium and my friend T and I redeemed ourselves from Cranium Loserville to win. Hhahhaa. I can honestly say it was one of the best days of 2006. I cannot imagine a better way to end and begin a New Year. Surrounded by people I love and care about, goofing off, and laughing our butts off.  If my New Year's celebration is an hint of what 2007 is going to be I can't wait.

Proof of how fobby I really am........

My grandma came back from Cambodia a month ago and she always brings back fruit and fish. Yes, yes, I DO know that these things are illegal and should be confinscated but she's 86 I don't say anything. Though I always say that my grandma is going to cause an international incident. So for X-mas I finally got to see her and I came back home with fish. What kind of fish? I can't tell you cause I have no idea but they were dried, smoked, and cured. I'm probably at a 50/50 chance that I might get some evil food poisoning but I LOVE the type of stinky dried only in Cambodia fish she brings. What do I eat it with? Why fish sauce of course. (Yes, that's my heart trying to restart)

It's been 2 years since I've started this path of going back to school to be a teacher and leaving the world of biotech behind. I admit, there are a couple of things that I really miss about my old job. First, most of the people where really great. The second is the money that I use to make. Ohh, the money convinced me for 2 years that the overtime, the stress, and the pressure was worth it. However, once I made the decision to leave I rarely had a moments regret. However, since leaving my job I've been painfully made aware that my finacial situation is back in it's college days while my friends have been moving on up.

Yes, that's the green eyed monster that reared it's ugly head.  When did my friends become such high rollers? I blinked and they become hard working professionals. Though I'm super happy and excited for them I can't help but compare their situation to mine. I feel like I feel behind in the career train... I have to depend on the boyfriend and the parents and my savings to get by and it's hard to not want to buy and give things to people you care about.  However, visiting my 3rd grade kids made me feel like the richest person in the world. One person actually said that he went home to look up the answer to a problem I spoke about the day before. Why didn't he tell me this before? Damn, I actually taught something to a kid that seemed to have no interest in my lesson before. I felt like I had scaled the highest mountain. Success to me has changed from a paycheck to a student learning something. Yup, still no regrets.

So here's my Thanks and Gifts to everyone who has made a difference in my life the last couple of years:

To my 3rd Grade Class: You guys were my first guinea pig students and may I say I'm super impressed that you've treated this very nervous and scared student teacher with lots of patience and respect. I nearly cried reading all the I miss you cards you guys made me. Each of you little guys have made me smile, laugh, bang my head on the table, and challenged me to become a better teacher. I leave behind a little bit of my heart and hopefully you guys learned something because I learned so much from you guys.  Because of  you guys I now know how to bribe students (candy and stars), make sure you guys behave, always the expect the unexpected, and that being a teacher is who I should be. I love you guys, sniff sniif

Note: I find it a major accomplishment that I DID NOT cry when I said good bye to my students.  I cried after in the parking lot.

To my Master Teacher: I learned soooo much from you.  You can take 10 minutes and do 179759475 things in that time frame.  White paper can be used for anything~! Your guidence have helped build the foundation of the teacher I will one day become. Thank you for saving me from myself and teaching me the ins and outs of being a teacher.

To my Xangans: Thanks for putting up with my frequent absences and random blogs. You guys always make me laugh and I've grown so much in 3 years. It's fun to see you guys grow too. I know some xangans that got married, a promotion, shared birthdays. It's weird but it's like I do know you guys even if you live miles and miles away.

To my friends: Thanks for being there for me to calm me down when I start to go crazy. For the late night calls for reassurance when I feel so lost. For the good advice and love. For making time to go to Disneyland, Boba,  Coffee, Desserts, sit and talk in a scary Santa Ana school parking lot, for advice on homework and commiserate with, for helping me do handygirl duties for my Mom, and just for standing by me.

To my Boyfriend: How lucky am I to have you as my boyfriend? You have really been a constant source of love, support, and encouragement. Without you in my life I know that I would not be able to strive and reach my dreams. I hope you know how much I care for you. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year~!

May the new year bring joy and happiness.

So as of 10:47pm I have turned in all my assignments for school. You know what that means...FINALS ARE OVER! I can't wait, I only have ONE MORE semester left for school. For those that have stuck with me this long, this had been over a 2 year odyssey and to have it almost over, the FINAL semester, I can't wait.

Well, Christmas is almost here, 8 days in fact but I already have my presents from the boyfriend.  We are not the most patient people.  So guess what I got?

That's where I'll be New Year's Eve! I am super excited.  One more semester left...I can't wait!